Monday, 30 July 2007

Oxegen 2007

In the year of our lord Two-thousand and seven, I Melly the first, fearless urban bubble explorer didst cross the sea to the isle of Hibernia. Here I witnessed many astounding sites, smells and sounds. The mud was unearthly, like nothing seen in the asphalted streets of London. I saw a man with the body of a hippo and the face of a man dry humpeth his girlfriend from behind, mounting her ferociously whilst she wailed like a banshee, I believe in mirth. A naked giant held an incredible hulk toy over his todger and flailed it in the general direction of his friends. Young men, like angry bucks did fly at each other in the mud, wrestling, their sinews popping. A crowd of scum splattered revellers clapping and cheering. I did avoid there revellry for fear of being drawn into combat I would surely lose. I am a scribe, not a warrior. A gentle waif, not a general. A weed, not an oak. A soft handed yellow belly etc.

The mud, such liquid I have never seen, kicked in faces. Mixed with the pisseth and shiteth of thousands, running down the hill from the portaloo's into the filthy mix. My white silk sarong was ruined, but it allowed me to blend in.

The rain lashed down upon me, like a raging torrent, however the glistening gold tin foil dress of the goddess Ditto did light my path to the stage.

Ok, enough verbose rubbish. here's the photos.

First up, a pre-festival gig by the Go! Team at Eleckrowerkz in Camden. I flew to Ireland the next day. What a great gig. I so love the Go! Team, their infection fun can make even the most miserable bastard smile and dance. including me. Unfortunately as we are short greeks, we needed to see above the numerous tall people, so we nabbed a podium to stand on at the side, therefore people assumed we were professional dancers I think. Oh how wrong they were. Although I was much better than Dora and Christina and people asked me who my loser mates were.

Photo taken from our podium. I have no idea why there is a giant Cyberman head looming above Ninja. Tiny stage for a band as plentiful as the go! team, but it worked. And it was fantastic. They played new material. I'm looking forward to their upcoming releases!

Onto Ireland. First up. The Gossip. Beth looks like a ferrero roche in that dress. Her voice is astounding, compelling. And old fashioned blues performer fronting a hard blues band. They sounded awesome. And she was great. They did a cover of Careless Whisper too.....!

Dress came off, and lime green bra came out. For viewers watching in black and white, the lime green bra is covering her tits.

Next up... Mika. I hate myself. But I liked him live. He's a great festival act. And he had 20 foot high massive blow up women which you can't diss. (based on beryl cook art I believe - I briefly sounded intelligent, but my other half told me they were, so if she's wrong, it's nothing to do with me as I'm blissfully ignorant of beryl cook)

Mika knocks over big lady while Mr Miyagi looks on. Wax on, Wax off. Poor Mika has a lot to wax off on that big girl.

The Noisette's in the new band tent... always a top live act! Shingai is a bouncing ball of energy and theatrical grandeur.

I was really looking forward to this next band. CSS, Brazillian electro-pop-punk nutters! Awesome album too. And they didn't fail to disappoint live. I was especially excited by their cover of L7's classic "Pretend we're dead". Lovefoxx bizarrely peeled off many layers of catsuits through the gig. She looks like she is about to hyperventilate through heat exhaustion in the first photo, but saves herself by stripping down to her last pair of leggings like a human pass the parcel. (eventually).

Ok, now onto a band I've seen twice before, Howling Bells. They were of course great! Juanita did dress up like Charlene from neighbours circa 1990 though (which worked for her). Hard to pigeon hole, but I would best describe them as haunting country rock, which is a pants description but the best I can muster.

I'd never heard of Jason Mraz, but he was also awesome, and the kids seemed to love him.

Finally... New Young Pony club, fantastic band, and much harder live than their polished studio work. Definately will see them again. I also liked that dudes checker board hoodie, but he was bigger than me so although I considered braining him with a brick, I didn't want blood on the hoodie, so left him alone. (He'd have probably smashed me in actually)

Special mention to Bright Eyes, Rufus Wainwright (although two Judy Garland songs was a piss take, the self indulgent git!).
And Kate Nash, she was cool too. That's it. By the end of the weekend, i did look like I'd shit myself and was soaked through, but it was fun.

Tried to avoid the main stage, as that is where the drunks congregated, and the feeling of being in a Crimean hospital backyard surrounded by zombie like mud infused drunks who would try to hug you took away from enjoying any music. So Kings of Leon, next time lads!

Saturday, 28 July 2007

Grizedale Forest

Me and Deb are just back from a nice break in the lake district. It was fun! A couple of new pics have been added of my unshaven mush.

Amoungst various activites, we spent a day in Grizedale forest, which has some really interesting sculptures along various routes through it. Examples we saw and photographed (by Deb) below.

The Guardian of the Forest (modelled on Bruce Forsyth - above)

A fern made out of wood (this was around 8-10 feet high for a sense of scale)

A sandstone fox. (around 3-4 feet high)

Wednesday, 18 July 2007

Das Boot

I was lucky enough to visit the Bavaria Film studio's in (strangely enough) Bavaria last week.

It was for a corporate work thing and it was all a big surprise as to where we were going.

So when we pulled up, I gibbered in excited reverence at what I was about to witness. Ok, so it was a short visit, and I was the only one of my work colleagues who had any real historical interest. But I love U Boats. A majestic piece of engineering, lived in for months at a time, by unshaven, pale and sweat stained submariners. The threat of death around every corner, and the knowledge that they were there to take down merchant shipping, merchant shipping that couldn't defend itself. The film Das Boot captures the psyche of the German submariner very well, the guilt, the fear, the claustrophobia, the honour and the dynamic of living underwater with a bunch of blokes you had to make do with, without fresh food, without even sunlight. Things we take for granted.

So what if there wasn't a real U Boat? I didn't care, I was on the set of Das Boot, a U Boat interior was lovingly put together using original materials from ships scrapyards. I got to clamber around it. Here is a picture of me releasing some pressure shit from some sort of valve to save my mates. I'm a fucking engineer. Yessss.... you may notice my curly locks are tied back, like some sort of faux new romantic Spandau Ballet inspired pirate from 1982.

If it was a real U-Boat, of course it would have smelt of wee, poo, diesel, B.O. And I couldn't possibly live on one, there are no chocolate croissants for breakfast, and I've have to share a bunk with a fat flatulent bloke from Liepzig called Heinrich. That wouldn't be good. Especially if he had crabs (watch the film) and needed a cuddle cos he misses his mum.